I just love holidays. Doesn’t matter which one. There’s a warm and fuzzy feeling of anticipation…and usually food. But Mother’s Day seems to drag along with it no small amount of guilt. My goodness, I feel guilty that I didn’t feed my daughter enough veggies, that we ate out way too much, didn’t spend enough time having fun, didn’t teach her to how cook or hem pants. Once on that road, it can be an all day trip.
Then there’s my Mother. I thought I knew her. But after I had to place her in a nursing home with dementia, where she lived for over 20 years, I continually came up with questions that I knew I could never get answers for. How did she cope everyday with growing up among 9 siblings in poverty? What did she think the first time she saw Daddy? How much guilt did she have when her mother was placed in a nursing home? Mother was still in ‘there’ somewhere in the last years of her life, but not accessible to me or anyone else. She’s been gone for 10 years now, but the guilt on many, many levels often still clouds my days. So how can we move on to a deeper understanding and forgiveness concerning both our parents and children? And how can we become vessels of unconditional love for ourselves and others?
I recently listened to Anthony William, author of Medical Medium, in a live webinar during Dr. Deanna Minich’s Whole Detox Program. The subject was compassion, but he took it to a level I had never considered. Anthony describes compassion as having no expiration date, as opposed to empathy which comes with a date, and sympathy which is very short term. We offer sympathy for a friend’s parent’s death. We empathize with a child’s struggle to become an adult until said child moves on to her own pastures. But developing compassion lifts our efforts of loving to the heady realm of unconditional. And consider that compassion is hope’s soul. Right there is a whole other blog. I’ll leave that for later.
Love doesn’t automatically have compassion attached. Wow. That certainly accounts for so many hurting people who are told that they are loved with no real understanding from the ‘teller’ what love is. Only with compassion comes the understanding required to love unconditionally. That’s why God/higher source is such a mystery. God loves us with gobs of compassion, unconditionally. No strings attached.
According to the audible voice that speaks to him just outside his right ear, Anthony William’s Spirit is an energy source, a living word, instilled with the breath of life. The living essence of the word Compassion who sits closest to God. There are other living words such as Faith, Hope, Joy, Peace and others, but Compassion is the above them. About now I’m wishing for my own audible voice of understanding. On the other hand, a stream of 24/7 wisdom in my ear is more than I can live with presently. My own mind chatter will have to be sufficient.
Okay then. We can see why compassion may be the ticket to greater understanding and love of one another. But what difference would that have made in past years? Well, I love my daughter more than life, as we say. But it occurs to me that a good dose of compassion would have lifted me above the unknowing demands I placed on her growing up. Perhaps the independence I felt she needed for living in this world really needed more simple Mommy nurturing than I was able to provide. More hugs, more understanding, more forgiveness, more compassion. That last sentence certainly applies to my Mother as well. Mother is no longer here, so a big dose of self-love, self-forgiveness and self-compassion may relieve some of my guilt. My daughter is thankfully close by, so much more love with tons of compassion and hugs thrown in is called for. With diligence and understanding, I can do that.
One last thought from Anthony William:
Women have more compassion than men. (Well…duhhh.) Because of our greater compassion reserves, men’s suffering makes it harder for us (uh-huhhhh) because we take on the added suffering of men. Well…most of us know this, but thank you Anthony for saying it out loud. 🙂
The very last word is from my brother Barry. Tongue-in-cheek funky fun!
Words and music, vocals, instrumental tracks, Barry King. Bill Miles on Drums. ©2009 Purple Garage Records.
Barry King – “Cryin’ Hood” from the album, “almost acceptable”
RE-Group 